Excerpts from

Babydoll, Gangster Disciple - Oral History

Part III - It's An Addiction

[I lived in the cites for a while then moved back to Grand Rapids.] How easy it was for me to go back. I can see now, it is an addition. It’s comfortable. It’s a place where you feel loved and accepted and of course you’re going to get addicted to that kind of feeling. You’re going to get addicted to that kind of a family, and that’s what it is. That’s what it is to me, it’s a family. And, it is an addiction and it’s addiction that’s gonna be very, very hard to break. But, it’s an addiction that people need to break, because it’s not a healthy place to be. Yeah, we need to decide to break that addiction. We need to come to the realization that that lifestyle isn’t gonna get you anywhere but into trouble. You’re either gonna end up dead or you’re gonna end up in prison. And neither way is a very happy route to go. You need to decide that you’re life’s worth more than that. And that’s hard for some people, especially the people that I have seen, that become a part of a gang.

It’s because they don’t have a happy life and they want a happy life and that’ll give it to them. But, it’s the life where the price you pay is too high. In the end, you pay a price that is not worth it. . . The addiction is hard to break and I’m not done breaking it. I had made the decision four months ago that screw them all, I don’t wanna have anything to do with anybody ever again. But, I sit in my room at night and write letters to Brad. It’s hard for me, I love those guys. But I know that what’s important to me right now, is that I don’t want my daughter to live that kind of a life. And she is the most important thing. I decided my child was worth more than that...

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